Today is your birthday. Your sixteenth birthday. And I wonder…
I wonder how tall you would be now. I wonder how your voice would sound. I see your friends and how much they have changed. And I wonder…I wonder if you are still twelve in heaven. I wonder what heaven is like. I wonder what you are doing right this minute.
I remember rocking you in the middle of that first night sixteen years ago. Just you and me and the dark. Those precious early moments…never knowing that twelve years, eight months and eleven days later, you would be gone. If I had known, would I have lived the moments of life differently?
I miss you Zack.
I miss your smile.
I miss your hugs.
I miss your messy room.
I miss your humor.
I miss your voice.
I miss you waking up before anyone else. – I’m convinced now that you somehow knew you needed to get all your living done instead of sleeping.
I miss your blue eyes.
I miss having to tell you to stop pulling your brother’s ear.
I miss seeing you and Daddy wrestling in the floor with Nick.
I miss your dirt bike races and your dirty face and clothes.
I miss tucking you in.
I miss everything about you.
I miss you.
I am quite certain I always will. Missing you has not been erased by the passing of time. But, I know – God sees what we cannot see.
We just passed the half-way mark with this pregnancy. This precious new life growing inside of me has stirred up many emotions for me.
Nick will make a great big brother because he learned from the best. He talks to the baby a lot – remember how you used to tell him to be quiet? He still hasn’t learned how. J
He says this baby will be his best friend just like Bubby.
This baby – this blessing – will know all there is to know about an oldest brother.
Today is your sixteenth birthday.
To celebrate, we are going to Granddaddy’s restaurant to have dinner with family. We will sing happy birthday to you. Nick will blow out your candles and we will eat your favorite cake. Then, Nick is going to open the sealed envelope and announce if we are having a boy or a girl!
We couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate you.
We love and miss you with every breath.
Happy 16th birthday Zack Attack!