Letter to Zack on his 16th birthday

zack today

Dear Zack,

Today is your birthday. Your sixteenth birthday. And I wonder…

I wonder how tall you would be now. I wonder how your voice would sound.  I see your friends and how much they have changed. And I wonder…I wonder if you are still twelve in heaven. I wonder what heaven is like. I wonder what you are doing right this minute.

I remember rocking you in the middle of that first night sixteen years ago. Just you and me and the dark. Those precious early moments…never knowing that twelve years, eight months and eleven days later, you would be gone. If I had known, would I have lived the moments of life differently?

I miss you Zack.

I miss your smile.

I miss your hugs.

I miss your messy room.

I miss your humor.

I miss your voice.

I miss you waking up before anyone else. – I’m convinced now that you somehow knew you needed to get all your living done instead of sleeping.

I miss your blue eyes.

I miss having to tell you to stop pulling your brother’s ear.

I miss seeing you and Daddy wrestling in the floor with Nick.

I miss your dirt bike races and your dirty face and clothes.

I miss tucking you in.

I miss everything about you.

I miss you.

I am quite certain I always will. Missing you has not been erased by the passing of time. But, I know – God sees what we cannot see.

We just passed the half-way mark with this pregnancy. This precious new life growing inside of me has stirred up many emotions for me.

Nick will make a great big brother because he learned from the best. He talks to the baby a lot – remember how you used to tell him to be quiet? He still hasn’t learned how. J

He says this baby will be his best friend just like Bubby.

This baby – this blessing – will know all there is to know about an oldest brother.

Today is your sixteenth birthday.

To celebrate, we are going to Granddaddy’s restaurant to have dinner with family. We will sing happy birthday to you. Nick will blow out your candles and we will eat your favorite cake. Then, Nick is going to open the sealed envelope and announce if we are having a boy or a girl!

We couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate you.

We love and miss you with every breath.

Happy 16th birthday Zack Attack!

Click here to see Zack’s last birthday – celebrated at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital…

zack bday 1

Zack’s first birthday – celebrated on Grandma Bonnie Mae’s front porch…

zack age 3 (3)

Zack’s 3rd birthday – celebrated at Granddaddy and Ebie’s house.

zack 11th bday

Zack’s 11th birthday – his last healthy birthday – celebrated with 11 boys sleeping over at our house.


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11 thoughts on “Letter to Zack on his 16th birthday

  1. So beautiful, Wendy!! I know Zack is rejoicing over his new brother/sister. I’m praying for this bittersweet day. I know it will be filled with tears of longing for Zack and tears of joy for your family’s exciting future. God is so good, and you display that so well. Can’t wait to hear the news — girl? boy? Yay!!! Love you!

  2. Beautiful Wendy…and you are right. Nic will be a great big brother because he learned from the best. I cannot imagine you will ever stop missing sweet Zach…I would not expect you to. May the God of all comfort hold you and your family close today. I cannot wait to hear…boy or girl! A new life, one of God’s greatest gifts. Blessings to you today!

  3. So beautiful!! I loved the part where you are “convinced now that you somehow knew you needed to get all your living done instead of sleeping.” What a wonderful blessing this 3rd child will be to you all!

  4. What a very special way to celebrate Zack’s 16th birthday!! I know that you will always miss your sweet boy, but you do have so many wonderful memories of him. I can hardly wait to hear what the Lord will bless you with when you give birth to this precious new life! And I know that Nick will be an awesome big brother!

  5. What a wonderful way to celebrate…….Boy or Girl? I can just imagine the excitement and am quite certain Zack is celebrating right along with you and LOVES his gift…THE ENVELOPE PLEASE!!! :)