Slapping Her Did Make me feel Better…

“They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite” ― Cassandra Clare

Someone said to me recently – “Time heals all wounds and it is coming up on two years so I’m sure you are feeling like your old self again. You know,”  she continued, “feeling better.”

And I did feel better.

Right after I slapped her.



I didn’t really slap her.

But the vision did flash through my mind as I wondered if people really think you can feel better – ever – after burying a child?

And I wondered if there would  ever come a day in this life when I wouldnt shed a tear?

My days are not spent sitting in a corner crying for hours on end  – although there are times when I have to admit that does still feel like a good option.

But smells, sounds, thoughts or even ordinary things like unloading the dishwasher or folding clothes can bring tears out of nowhere.

Sometimes one or two. Sometimes a bucket full.

Because the missing isn’t erased by the space of time and grief cannot be put away on a shelf.  Grief is ugly. Grief is beautiful. Grief is confusing.

Grief is at best, managed.

Sometimes graciously. Sometimes poorly.

Grief is not an outfit. Grief is a permanent accessory.

Grief is lived…

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And I am convinced that grief does not change you.

Grief reveals you.

And grief reveals others to you.

And time cannot possibly make me “feel better.”

Only God can.

“His is a joy which consequences cannot quench. His is a peace which circumstances cannot steal.” – Max Lucado

May you seek HIS joy in the moment – no matter what today brings.

And remember today is only temporary…

“There is a spot, mid barren hills,
Where winter howls, and driving rain;
But if the dreary tempest chills,
There is a light that warms again.”
– Emily Jane Brontë

(And if you run into someone who has lost a loved one, please do them and yourself a favor and think carefully before you speak. Open mouths are dangerous and grief is very unpredictable. You never know when a slap just might slip out.)

be blessed…

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11 thoughts on “Slapping Her Did Make me feel Better…

  1. you are such a blessing to me. the only difference between us is you had no idea when your precious Zach was born that you might lose him way too early where as I have know Hannah’s whole life that our time here together is only because of god’s grace. while you are further up the path of this very difficult journey, I learn from every post you write. thank you for sharing your heart with us. you are such a blessing to many.

  2. Thank you so much for this posting! Your pictures of the boys on the beach……I have the same type pictures of my grandkids on the beach. I see them in my mind, when I read of Zack & Nick. God’s grace & peace to you & yours today. Much love & prayers your way, my friend.

  3. As always you are truely a blessing to so many people. Yours, Mayo, Nick & most of all Zack’s story has touched alot of people. I commend you for all your post and sharing your feelings. I could never understand how you feel or what you go through on a day to day basis, I just know that you are a loving, caring, sweet, kind and compassionate person. Sharing your story helps so many people that have been what you are going through and helps others to understand what grief does to a person!! I love you and your wonderful family!! May God Bless and comfort you everyday.


  4. Dear Sweet Wendy,

    Beautifully said, once again. Everyone’s grief is unique and personal, and time really doesn’t heal all wounds…God is faithful and He does understand. I am thankful there is a day coming when all tears and hurts will be wiped away. Praying for you and may you have a blessed day in Jesus.

  5. I really appreciate all you share from your heart. I love the photos of your boys. I totally understand your feelings, and I can remember thinking of slapping a few people myself. It has been 21 years for me since we buried our son, and no – time does not erase the grief – it only helps you see, perhaps a bit better, all that God has accomplished in life to change me through it. How He has even managed to use it to bring glory to Himself. I am So thankful for Easter and the promise of His resurrection and one day being united with Christ and our son. May you continue to walk this difficult path with the grace that only God can give.

  6. Hi Wendy, It’s always very revealing to see how others relate to losses. No loss is comparable to that of a child, but even in cases of loss of family unit through divorce, it’s sad that the hurt can be magnified through friends. All things change with loss- and you are right. It is only by dwelling in God’s presence and promises that peace and contentment are found. Blessings to you and your family this Easter:)

  7. Wendy I have learned so much from your journey and so thankful for your post that help us because you are right unless someone has been in your shoes and lost a child they cannot understand. Thank you for helping us to know what to say and what not to. You are a true inspiration.

  8. Wendy,
    Although we have never met personally I consider you a dear friend. You have encouraged me through your writings. I can sense the feel of the Holy Spririt in your writings and also feel the peace He has given you. I love to see the pics of your family … happy you took so many so you can remember the times you had with Zack. I have several friends that have lost their children and the best thing I have found is to TALK about them and remember. I do hope to meet you one day sweet friend.

  9. So beautifully written. My cousin lost her son at the age of 15 in 1979. I don’t think a day goes by that she doesn’t think about him. Yes, her pain has lessened. That was still her precious child as Zack is yours. I know she would not have made it thru without God by her side. You are a Blessing and an Inspiration to everyone. I love the pictures of Zack and Nick. May God Bless you and your family this Easter and everyday. You are a true warrior for God.