My throat tightens. I whisper a prayer for help.
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. ~ Isaiah 26:3
Where is my mind today?
I step out of the truck and my heart spills on the ground.
The ground where my son’s body rests.
Everything is alive with Spring. The grass so vividly green. Flowers bloom. Birds sing. Life is all around me. But death looks me straight in the eyes. Death of my first born. My Zack. Our son. It pierces my soul.
Grace. Amazing Grace. Grace greater than my sins. HIS grace enables me, enables us, to make it no matter what…
And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
I walk through the cemetery.
A headstone delivered.
A headstone for our son’s grave. Our 12 year old son’s grave.
A headstone placed carefully at his burial site. A place I do not visit often.
We put if off for so long. “You need to get one” – my momma would gently encourage.
A headstone finally ordered. What words are sufficient? To tell of a life lived. To tell of a life loved. To tell of all that is missed. Impossible.
I run my fingers carefully over the letters of his name. I breathe. The sun warms the cold stone.
I notice grass has started growing over the sandy dirt on his grave.
A grandmother. My mother, “Ebie” to my boys, tenderly cares for his resting place near her home. Flowers lovingly switched out regularly. A new vase waits to dry so she can add more flowers.
The 2+ hour drive back to Wilmington, back to our 7 year old Nick, is quiet.
My husband’s hand in mine requires no words.
And this morning, the sun still came up. A new day.
And today people will complain.
Instead of being thankful…
“I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet.” ~Indian Proverb
Parents will complain about their children.
Instead of being thankful…
And while they complain, today forty-six parents will learn their child has cancer.
And seven parents will kiss their cancer stricken child for the last time. Hold their hand and smell them for the last time. Look into their eyes for the last time. Listen to them breathe. Watch them struggle to live. And watch them leave this world.
And the way they look at this world and the people in it will be forever changed.
And they will wonder why anyone complains…
Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. ~German Proverb
Sidenote: Seeing a headstone, my son’s headstone, may make you uncomfortable. I am quite certain that I will get at least one message asking how could I post it? No messages surprise me anymore. There will be others who won’t message me about it, they will just talk with their neighbor about it.(gossip?) That’s just a part of life. Headstones are also very much a part of life. Death is very much a part of life. You can push it out of your mind. You can ignore it but for sure it will still come. For you. And for your children. The ultimate question for you is what will you do for the eternal glory of God, not yourself, that will make your life count when it comes time for your headstone? Will HE be pleased with your words, your actions? Are they reflective of HIM in your life? If you don’t like the answers you have, it’s never too late to change. Let God be the change in you. If you already like your answers, get over yourself, there’s always room to do more. And the next time you feel a complaint rising up in you – take time to count your blessings instead. This life is but a vapor and then it is gone…make every moment count.