“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.” ~ Psalm 68:5-6
A variety of emotions have overwhelmed me being back in our house in Wilmington this weekend. Nick is so excited to be home in the only house he has ever known as home. He loves being in his room, swimming in his pool, and playing with his and Zack’s friends. He is loving introducing his puppy “Miley” to all of his friends. Seeing Nick this happy (the happiest we have seen him in weeks) makes my heart happy.
But, being back in our house is bittersweet. I see Zack everywhere….at the top of the stairs yelling down Mommy where are my clean socks?, at the door of the pantry and the fridge seeing what we have to eat, in the pool playing, in the front yard running with friends, in my bathroom (which he always chose over his own), and in his empty bedroom – which is just the way he left it. And while I cherish all my memories of Zack in this house, it is a painful reminder all of that will never be again.
Tears still flow easily and I ache with loneliness in this new world I have come to know but still do not understand. Some days are tougher than others. God sends relatives, friends and even strangers to help lift the loneliness from me and bring me into the company and companionship of others. I never really understood what it was like to feel lonely in a crowd until now. Even though many people may surround me, I realize that not one of them truly understands what I am going through. But I do believe God understands my pain – all of our pains – and yearns for us to let Him fill that pain with His presence and the fullness of His compassion and care…if only we will let Him.
(God said) “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” ~ Hebrews 13:5
Today is another new day. I will face the day with hope and embrace the smiles, the tears and everything in between.
“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.” – Walter Elliott
Still praying and believing….learning to live life without Zack. A moment at a time…